do and/or die

A while back the Real Doll people offered the Stern show a free...

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:53:00 -0500

A while back the Real Doll people offered the Stern show a free doll and promised to make it resemble whomever the show wants. After much deliberation, Howard decided to go with Eric the Midget, one of the show’s frequent callers, as it would fulfill two requirements:

1. A big reaction. (Eric has freaked.)

2. The doll will have a distinctive look.

This is a mistake. Bindi Irwin would be the best choice. She’s got a distinctive look (Downs-y eyes, gap-toothed smile), and the reaction - as soon as someone fucks it - would be headline-making. HOWARD STERN DEBUTS BINDI IRWIN SEX DOLL would sell papers like crazy. [image via]

Creative underclass meets master

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 11:02:00 -0500

Bi-polar Gawker profiler Vanessa Grigoriadis was on Stern this morning. Briefly. Still, odd. She also went on The Wrap-Up Show. All for her Rolling Stone profile of Artie Lange, who - just today - offered her sexual services to Benicio Del Toro (who politely declined) and extolled the virtues of a non-rehab rehab facility. This won’t end well for Artie. For the few Rolling Stone readers left, on the other hand-

While numbers 7 and 15 sound nightmarish, number 17...

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:58:00 -0500

While numbers 7 and 15 sound nightmarish, number 17 couldn’t be more accurate. [image via]

The General will see you now, Mr. Marlowe

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:47:46 -0500

1. I just accidentally two sleeping pills instead of my allergy medication. Is that bad?

2. Other than the similar bottles, I have no reason for confusing the pills. They look nothing alike.

3. What can I use to counteract 100mg of diphenhydramine? Other than coke/speed.

Liars - “Rose and Licorice” (Oneida cover)

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:27:41 -0500

Liars - “Rose and Licorice” (Oneida cover)

Molly Lambert has discovered a wealth of creepy on the Jonas...

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:02:00 -0500

Molly Lambert has discovered a wealth of creepy on the Jonas Secrets livejournal (a Jonas Brother-focused take on PostSecret). Best.

Read in '08, 4th quarter

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:03:00 -0500

10/7: The Orchard Keeper
10/13: One Lonely Night
10/21: The Big Kill
10/30: Kiss Me, Deadly
11/4: Child of God
11/5: Woman in the Dark
11/8: The Grifters
11/15: The Moving Target
11/26: All the Pretty Horses
12/7: The Dain Curse
12/11: The Dark Knight Returns
12/17: Shoot the Piano Player

[Haven’t read much these last two weeks. On vacation in Washington - no subways here. See also 1st, 2nd and 3rd quarters]

"I don’t wanna address this, but, like, if anyone’s masturbating to my shit, I just..."

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:57:00 -0500

“I don’t wanna address this, but, like, if anyone’s masturbating to my shit, I just don’t wanna know about it. I don’t - it kinda actually pisses me off, but I know I’m not allowed to be mad about it - it’s probably a good thing - but just don’t, like, masturbate, like…stop it! Right now. If you’re doin it, stop it, cause that’s gross to me…I’ve already given you material, Buster Brown. Take it over there.”

- Molls, re: the fetish video incident [previously]

Photo

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:22:00 -0500

Photo

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 22:20:08 -0500

"She’s horrible. She’s just disgusting. A terrible woman."

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 17:13:33 -0500

“She’s horrible. She’s just disgusting. A terrible woman.”

- My grandmother on Tyra Banks

I’m gonna spend today learnin da Stanky Legg and then doin...

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:46:00 -0500

I’m gonna spend today learnin da Stanky Legg and then doin da Stanky Legg til I gots it down and then uploadin videos of myself doin da Stanky Legg in my parents’ kitchen.

movingsideways: The Big Sleep, 1946. Lauren Bacall was 22 and...

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 02:03:33 -0500

movingsideways:

The Big Sleep, 1946. Lauren Bacall was 22 and comprised entirely of Sex.

This is Laura Zuniga. She’s a 23-year-old Mexican beauty...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:18:00 -0500

This is Laura Zuniga. She’s a 23-year-old Mexican beauty queen who was recently caught riding in an SUV with a large stash of weapons, including: two AR-15 assault rifles, .38 specials, 9mm handguns, nine magazines, 633 cartridges and $53,300 in US currency. She said she was going to Bolivia and Columbia to go shopping.

To which I say: I’ll fucking bet. She didn’t have to say “for a mountain of cocaine that’d dwarf Everest,” but I know. I saw Penelope Cruz in Blow. I know (by sight of an automatic weapon’s strap pressing into a tanned, slender shoulder, of a sash that reads ‘Miss [Latin American locale]’, of a sudden bright smile when I say ’narcotrafficking’) the girl of my dreams. I almost can’t believe she’s real. She’s a Clipse track brought to life with really awesome tits. WIFE.

Trey Atwood, I’ll never forgive you for trying to...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:35:00 -0500

Trey Atwood, I’ll never forgive you for trying to lead Chino astray. But you got shot in The OC’s most hilarious scene and now you’re fucking Marisa Tomei. Maybe we can get along. We should hang and trade cameraphone candids or something.

Is This It was recorded with three pictures from a...

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:56:00 -0500

Is This It was recorded with three pictures from a Victoria’s Secret catalog taped to a cabinet for inspiration. So the other day we got drunk and discussed this and grabbed the winter catalog. Then we each cut out our favorite girl and stuck them to the inside of our front door. Because this wasn’t creepy enough, I got crazy with the scissors and made it so they were touching each other.

This is Cheese. He’s gained a little weight but...

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 14:28:00 -0500

This is Cheese. He’s gained a little weight but hasn’t gone shy: I was able to coax him into a series of tasteful nudes.

Don Draper once told me, “No one wants an existential...

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:52:52 -0500

Don Draper once told me, “No one wants an existential crisis for Christmas. Especially Jews.”

Blake Lively’s chin cleavage can drain the blood from your...

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:10:34 -0500

Blake Lively’s chin cleavage can drain the blood from your boner faster than a thousand leeches.

"I got to number three and just fell back to sleep."

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:06:00 -0500

“I got to number three and just fell back to sleep.”

- Benjy Bronk, explaining that he was late to work because he begins each day by listing five reasons why he’s glad to wake up.